This is an expanded version of a short piece I wrote a year and a half ago. The first part is my thoughts on the general value of women’s spaces. After that I have added a section regarding the various arguments against these spaces and detailed the problems with all of them.
When I originally wrote this, in January of 2010, I was on the fence about transitioning to male. Since writing it I have embarked upon hormonal transition and am being treated as a man in most areas of my life. There have been women’s events I would have liked to participate in, but I have refrained from. I did this with some sadness but a sense of integrity because I know it is the right thing to do. My feelings on this matter have remained unchanged.
As a person born female-bodied but with a complicated gender identity which leans strongly towards male, I have had many thoughts on the issue of women-only spaces.
I think broadly that the feminist movement should be made up of BOTH women-only and mixed spaces. I think that “woman only” should always include cis women (born female-bodied) as well as trans women (born male-bodied or intersexed bu IDing as female).
Although I have never personally (inside) identified as a “female” or as a “woman” I have long identified that way politically: on my job I am treated as a woman, likewise in my community and as an organizer. Therefore I have participated in women-only spaces although I have to say I have always felt that I oughtn’t be there in some ways. (The same way I never feel right in the women’s bathroom.) However as long as I remain estrogen-based and female-appearing I cannot get around that the fact that everyone around me relates to me as a woman and I *must* organize that way.
Women only spaces have a special energy, and I have seen my sisters being powerful in a way that they are not in mixed spaces. I think of women-only spaces a bit like a greenhouse. A sheltered environment full of nutrients and water to grow the parts of a person that are vulnerable to storms and other disturbances. In an ideal women’s space, everyone is both the gardener and the plant, cultivating and being nurtured. Eventually these seedlings are out into the wide open world, into the big garden.
Just as I support the right (and likely necessity) of people of colour and indigenous people to congregate and organize independently of others as they see fit, and for people with disabilities, and for queers, etc etc etc I see it as important and necessary for women-identified people of all physical/hormonal herstories to do the same thing. And I will tell you that I say this as a person who may very well one day no longer be woman identified in any respect, as someone who will willingly leave this kind of identification and organization in order to pursue work as an ally.
Since writing this a year and a half ago I have become more familiar with the debate surrounding the issue. I will address the best and common arguments made in favour of either abandonning the use of women’s spaces in general, or allowing trans men to participate in them.
Women-only spaces are sexist
A claim of “reverse sexism” will inevitably be made whenever the issue arises. Defeat of this argument requires that a person become better educated about the nature of oppression. In brief, it is not individual acts of discrimination which create oppression and exploitation, it is the systemic tradition, enforcement and defense of these acts over time and space and populations.
So in the same way it is possible for any group to work against its own objective interests, it is possible that a group of women may act in ways which are overwhelmingly sexist. It is not however, inevitable, and most feminist “women’s spaces” are formed with the express purpose of avoiding this scenario, and employ various strategies towards this end.
Disallowing men from organizing
Once in a while someone gets it into their head that all this woman-centered stuff is either against men, or else it somehow prevents men from organizing. This is related to, but separate from, the sexism argument.
Having been in women-only spaces, I can report back that women spend at the most as much time, on average, talking about men there as they do at any other time. This depends on the topic and objectives of the group of course. For the most part when women go to the effort of putting up their own space, they do it to talk to each other and of their lives in ways that are not otherwise permitted. Men who are unconvinced of this ought to get over themselves and their importance.
As for men’s involvement in feminism: the vast majority of feminist events are open to all, however are overwhelmingly attended by women. The reason why men are not well-represented in the feminist movement is because they have not made themselves so. Men who complain that women have not gone out of their way to open things to them forget that the movement itself was not founded by people who had a path cleared for them, and that the road to feminism is quite difficult for many to walk, still.
Many feminists, aware that women are often expected to do certain kinds of work for men (such as nitty gritty organizing and emotional labour) find these arguments exceptionally tedious, as they duplicate traditional patriarchal roles while claiming alliance, and then forming the basis of an excuse for the inaction of men.
I have never heard of any feminist event organized by men which was rejected by the feminist community on this basis. Sadly, I cannot recall any feminist events organized by men.
Gender binary is inadequate
In my view, one of the most compelling arguments against the policy of “women’s spaces” regards those individuals who are genderqueer, genderfuck, bigendered, two-spirited, untransitioned trans women or some other variation that does not fit neatly into “man” or “woman.” Who is to “police” the attendees at an event to ensure everyone is “really” a woman? And what does that mean?
To me this is fairly obvious, the question is, “Do you either identify yourself as a woman, or are you identified as a woman in your day-to-day life?” While none of us can read minds, I think that simply asking the question and making the affirmative answer a condition for entry is fair. Either or both gets you into a woman-only space.
This question addresses a wide variety of people. The kind of person who would answer “no” to both, someone who does not feel themselves to be a woman, and who is not related to as a woman (in their family, on the job, in their love lives), does not have any business in women’s only spaces.
Of course a question like this would have to be posed to all people entering a space, regardless of their presentation, not just in cases where some question was in the mind of an organizer.
Women’s space as safe space
Another argument is that women should not be perceived to be “safe.” For example, in the context of queer communities where women are often each others’ abusers. No less in general, where women’s power for violence should not be diminished and their beings essentialized as nurturing or incapable of aggression. Additionally it has been pointed out that women often exercise racialized, class and other privileges over one another.
I agree completely with this argument, I would not call a women’s space a “safe space.” However it is a sufficiently different space from a regular mixed-gender situation to be worthwhile pursuing. As in all tactics, it should be chosen to fit the goal and the strategy in mind.
Trans men’s herstories
It is said that trans men have had female socialization and parts of their lives where they lived as female, and so they have insight into women’s experience, or their ways of acting may be more “womanly” because of their pasts. I don’t really know how to argue this other than to say I just don’t buy it. Privilege isn’t simply radiated from the inside, but also how others interact. It’s not only about how men feel regarding their interactions with women, in fact I would say that is the least important aspect of women’s space. The crucial element of women-only organizing is how women relate to themselves and one-another. If the women think that the presence of someone who is identified commonly as a man, and who identifies themselves as male will impede their goals, then the women are the ones who are to be believed.
Related to this is the fact that many trans men were previously lesbians and have deep social connections in queer women’s communities. I will say that as a gay man (formerly a nominal heterosexual) I do not have the emotional experience here. I can empathize with someone who may have fought hard to come out as a queer woman and carve out a space for themselves in a place where they finally felt at home after a lifetime of isolation and alienation, now being asked to distance themselves.
It seems to me that given given how common-place queer women turning into men is these days, an agile community will simply adapt to have some events open to all genders while keeping others for women only (to be respected by all men). Maybe there is some problem with this that I don’t know because of my lack of experience with it. If all the events of a community are inflexibly women-only, perhaps it is simply time to leave that part of one’s life behind. I can’t imagine such a rigid community sticking around in the long-term in general, considering the changing nature of people’s lives.
Conclusion
The further along I get in my transition, the more able I find myself to appreciate women in a way I was unable to before, when everything they did seemed like some kind of personal infringement on how I wanted to live my life. This has had the happy effect that I find much more joy in women as I have less and less to resent the concept of femaleness for.
What this also means is that part of me would like, more than ever, to be among women. These days when I tumble into a situation where I am surrounded by women, I enjoy it so much more than I ever used to. I’m not angry at them for being something I cannot be. Relaxed for the first time, I am able to indulge in the infinite variety of being a woman, knowing that I don’t have to find one for myself.
That is all to say that I understand why men (trans and cis) might desire to get into women’s spaces. I desire it it myself. For the first time in my life, I can really genuine enjoy a group of women, and I can think of them much more as themselves and less as mirrors of myself.
Unfortunately, my peace with womanhood and my permanent leaving of their exclusive spaces are inextricably bound up in one another. There’s no other way to have it, really. It is a choice I made and it’s mine to deal with. I would encourage other men, trans and cis and otherwise, to respect the work women want to do alone, so that when we fight alongside each other, they will be even stronger and more fearsome.
[...] My crazy gender and women-only spaces – As a person born female-bodied but with a complicated gender identity which leans strongly towards male, I have had many thoughts on the issue of women-only spaces. [...]